At least today's ad has the word inline in it, "Process InLine Viscometer", what the *#@!
On the advice/request of a friend of mine today's topic is on women. Namely my philosophy, which can be summarized in six words, "they must always win, you loose". There is an old joke email, its been floating around since the dawn of SMTP the email gives rules, the rules are as follows: (note, they are all numbered zero, I have omitted the zeros but basically consider all rules as most important).
- She is always right.
- In the highly unlikely event that you are right see above. (I can hear my wife nodding in agreement to that one.)
- What's yours is hers and is hers is also hers.
- You are a man, therefore: you are wrong and you will never understand.
- You are wrong even when you agree with her, but she is still right.
Feeling confused? Relax that feeling does not go away, you might as well get used to it.
Actually I have to confess I have a big advantage over a lot of guys, I cannot stand watching sporting events on TV, except for speed skating, that I'll watch, everything else is boring. So I've got a big leg up on most you guys.
Here are some other useful tips, this is more of a guy to guy thing, not so much an order, aka a girl to guy thing:
- If its your first, she will dump you. Its actually remarkable you were together long enough to read this sentence before she riped your heart out and stomped on it with those pointy healed shoes they wear.
- Its alright if they are cruel and callous towards you, but if you get them upset... well I hope you dug a nice deep bomb shelter, you are going to need it. (And people thought the cold war was a waste!)
- Marriage is the most effective prophylactic since the invention of sexual reproduction. If you are married and you define foreplay as two hours of begging you are just the lucky dog, I'm up to two weeks myself.
- I had a girlfriend who dumped me by email, it went something like this: "I realised last Saturday night that we were two totally different people on two totally different Worlds. Don't ever write me again. Have a nice life." Apparently that is an acceptable thing to do. Another did it by phone: She said: "I met a guy." He said:"And you like him more than me." She said: "Yes, how did you know?" He said: "You were pretty obvious towards the end." Apparently that too is alright.
Anyway as I write this, its not to suggest love is impossible, although I imagine some of you might suspect it is now. (Hey I still love my wife, none of these rules are based on experiences with her, except for rule #3.) Rather I am simply saying there is a gender gap, a gap in understanding if you will. I honestly believe that guys are more fragile, emotionally speaking, than women are. So be forewarned, but also, be kind. There is nothing worse then watching your girl friend cry and realizing its all your fault you big asshole! Mind you if you are thinking that when she cries you can at least take comfort from the fact that you have learned the rules and are ready to progress to the next state of not-understanding women.
Tomorrow I will write on proper bearing maintenance technique, based on extensive experimental and authoritative research. (I even went to a machine shop and spoke at length with a for-real expert, not just something I read on the Internet... of course you will have read it on the Internet which I guess kind of blows the authoritative data out the window.)
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