On Car Problems

I just sent the following to Audi Canada, if anyone has suggestions of where I might get a rapid response I would welcome it:

To whom it may concern,

In early June of this year my wife gave birth to identical twin boys. Dues to the physical size of modern CSA approved car seats our previous car, a VW Jetta was too small for the two car seats so in late June I purchased (financed) a Certified Pre-owned Audi Q7 (VIN: WA1Cxxxxxxxxxxxx).

By in large I am satisfied with my purchase, it is one of the few vehicles large enough not only for my wife and I, our two children, their car seats and a stroller but it even has room for a few groceries after all of the above. However, the truck does have one very serious deficiency, specifically, the automatic door locking after 60 seconds of inactivity, I call this a defect because this “feature” could have killed my children on the afternoon of Friday September 21.

On that Friday afternoon, my wife had loaded the car seats and babies, into the car and realized she dropped her car keys on the ground. She shut the car door, and walked over to the keys, only then realizing she had in fact dropped her house keys (the garage door key fob looks like an Audi car key and was on her house keys), the car keys were in the car. By the time she returned to the car, the doors were locked, with, as I already noted, the car keys inside the vehicle.

Ultimately, and luckily for my wife, as I was at work at the other end of town, a tow trucker driver was near-by, he spent about twenty minutes trying to jimmy the door lock, as both my sons and my wife became more hysterical, finally, he smashed the passenger side front window.

Frankly I don’t care about the damage to my vehicle, it’s a machine, it can be repaired or replaced, my children are, my children, there is no point of comparison. When I found out what happened naturally I got to my wife as quickly as possible, luckily the boys are fine and the car is at a shop getting new windows and repairs to the door.

As one might expect I contacted my dealer (Crosby in Kitchener ON) they told me they had never heard of this happening before, which is very strange as the tow truck driver told my wife he sees this all the time. The service department at Crosby told me there is no way to disable the auto locking feature on Audi’s, this is apparently an anti theft measure, as there are a limited number of frequencies for key fobs the concern is two similar key fobs in the same car park could result in one car being left unlocked.

As a computer network engineer by training and network security professional by trade I appreciate the need for strong security; however, I find this situation totally unacceptable. In less than three months of owning the Q7 a reasonable set of circumstances conspired to leave my infant sons locked in the vehicle until someone smashed a window, scattering glass all over my children.

I believe that if I pursued this matter in the civil courts I could ultimately, after some great cost, find financial restitution; however, as an engineer I do not see any sort of civil action as an effective resolution of the fundamental problem, namely the car locks itself with the keys inside.

As an engineer I would therefore request the following changes be made to the existing auto lock feature, or if it cannot be made with a firmware update then future models have the following changes:

1. If the car is unlocked with a key inserted in the door, the car stays unlocked until locked from a fob or by the key being reinserted. (It would be an easy habit to get into, not to use the fob to unlock the door, up until the mid 1990s that is how all cars worked.)

2. Give owners the ability, either through a dealer provided configuration change, or a owner performed change, to alter the auto lock timer, in short allow me to decide if I want more than one minute to get in the car after I press the button on the fob.

3. Use CHAP (Challenge Handshake Authentication Protocol) with the key fob serial, VIN and a date/time stamp to properly certify that the key fob is truly the fob intended to open the car door. (This is a somewhat technical solution but I was able to design, in my mind, a very secure authentication exchange between a key fob with a very limited processor/battery and the car that would be virtually undefeatable yet ensure total uniqueness of the key fob without switching radio frequencies or otherwise stretching the limits of existing technology.)

As I noted, I don’t want to treat this as some cause for a civil case, frankly I think Audi’s are generally pretty well made machines, and civil cases are for people not interested in actually solving problems. My wife and I both enjoy the Q7 and are, or were until Friday, considering replacing our CPO model with a brand new Q7. I would be more than happy to speak in greater depth to my three recommendations. I look forward to your prompt response.

Michael Cole
B. Math (Waterloo, Co-op, Hons. Computer Science Major)
M. Eng. (Ryerson, Computer Engineering, Computer Networks)

On Internal Combustion and Other Things

I've been thinking a lot lately about the BCC, I've no idea why, well I've gone for my first few serious (i.e. 100km+ bike rides) since the boys were born. Anyway I was talking to Dawn about the BCC, she only rode with them once but was not impressed. One guy hit on her, another, upon learning that there was to be no networking opportunities with Dawn couldn't be bothered to talk with her, I didn't learn any of this until just a few weeks ago. I find it ironic, though, the guy that hit on Dawn, well Dawn thought he was ugly. Anyway Dawn was already living with me when this happened and now she's my wife and mother of my children.

If I can just address the guy who was hitting on Dawn. Really, hitting on another guy's girlfriend is a really classy act E.M. (I'll put his initials), but hey you've never been particularly pleasant to me which pretty much explains why I detest you. The hitting on the woman I would propose to less than two months later, that was just... well frankly completely unsurprising. That seemed like the sort of thing you would do.

I guess it's a shame though, there are some great guys in that club, Thi Ng, Ian Willcox, but truth is I'm okay with riding alone, riding is already a pretty solitary activity to begin with and with infant sons I find it impossible to hit the road on any sort of schedule. (I feel guilty seeing Dawn scrambling about organizing bottles and changing diapers so I generally help out until at least one of the boys has settled.)

At least I've been able to pack in a few rides lately, as I documented earlier, slowly I'm rebuilding my base. It's remarkable how much things have fallen apart for me (from a physical abilities perspective) since the birth of the two little ones. Though of all the reasons to loose a base, well frankly twins really are a blessing, they don't have colic (knock wood or something!) they are both gaining both height and weight with a remarkable speed. They are the cutest little things... big things, and yes they've turned my life inside out and upside down and I wouldn't trade it for anything!

I remember in 2010, I was riding all the time, I'd have to look at my calendar but I suspect in August and September I was averaging about 500~1000km/week. Now I'm not doing that in a month, but I'm not lonely and the T.V. is principally a source for background noise. (Though I still try to watch the Daily Show, when John Stewart covered the RNC I couldn't stop laughing... though perhaps I should be crying?)

Anyway I was reading some of my anti-SUV posts, I feel rather ashamed of my truck, but then I remember the grief I had trying to make something more modest work. The fact is, if you've got a family with twins you're going to need a really big machine, either a mini-van or an SUV and I just cannot bring myself to buy a mini-van.

Ironic really, I remember when my brother and I were young we didn't have car seats, back seats only had two point restraint, lap belts, and there were no airbags. Now by law children under a certain size or age must sit in booster seats or full on car seats and there are regulations for car seats that make the damn things so big you need a huge vehicle if you have multiple children. Maybe that's why SUVs became so popular?

That wouldn't explain the vegan I know who bought himself a Tiguan, he's got no children. But here's a random thought on veganism, suppose Dawn or I, or both of us were vegans (praise be Bovine god of steaks were not!), but anyway suppose there was a vegan in the family would the boys be allowed to have breast milk? What about women who are unable to produce breast milk, say for medical reasons? Would they be allowed to give their children formula which is basically vitamin and mineral fortified cows milk? What if their children had say, an iron deficiency, sure they can give their kids spinach but lets face it, you need to boost your iron levels have a steak! (Well liver actually is the most concentrated iron delivery food, but it tastes so bad and steak is only marginally lower down the iron content table, go indulge, have a double porterhouse at Harbour 60, its a medical necessity!)

I've thought about the vegan a few times, you see when he rationalized his purchase of the Tiguan he used something to the effect of "that 2L Turbo engine is very efficient". No it's not, I had one, well back then it was a 1.8L Turbo in my Audi A4 years ago. Anyway I guess VW bored out the cylinders a little, but the point is, that thing was a gas guzzler for a small sedan it had appalling fuel economy. (A full seven seater Toyota RAV-4 had better fuel numbers than the five seater A4.) But I just want to point out how a remark like "2L Turbo is very efficient" reflects a lack of understanding of basic auto engine design in particular the fundamentals of what a Turbocharger is and does. Okay, I know someone's bound to ask, so here's a link to turbo's or if you know me, just ask and I can give a more non-technical explanation as to why the remark "a 2L Turbo is very efficient" is such an idiotic thing to say.

And to think I'm contemplating trading up my 2009 Q7 for a brand new supercharged 2013 Q7, (I'm fed up with being cut off in the city), I know going from a 3.6L naturally aspirated to a 3.0L Super is going to be ugly at the pumps but I can live with that, the thing that's eating me right now is how unresponsive the truck gets when I mash my foot into the firewall. Yes, I've thought about all the torque in diesel, but I'm being cut off at speed, not from stop lights. Still I wonder what ole' Carroll Shelby "there's no replacement for displacement" would say about our modern super and turbo charged engines.

I should've been a mechanical engineer sure I don't really approve of internal combustion engines (for environmental reasons) but the physics of them sure are interesting. (Yes I know it's all 19'th century technology, but hey, there were improvements made, back in the 20's, the 1920s!) Anyway can't I be interested in painfully obsolete technology?