On The Olympics, Thoughts from a Cynic

I had a long rant mostly written on why I am not a big fan of the Olympics in their present form but I realized that it was, okay - I was, over the top. So I have stripped out almost everything and stuck to just two things that I don't like, from a veritable shopping list of detestable Olympic practices. But before I get to the good stuff, I would just like to point out a new survey I have going on my blog until May. This year I seem to be doing a seasonal thing.

Now back to the Olympics for one last wary backward glare (scowl?) at old man Winter.

Probably most people are not aware but the very first Olympic Torch relay started with a bunch of beautiful, I suspect blond haired and blue eyed, young men and women dressing as Greek Gods and Goddess on Mount Olympus with parabolic mirrors in 1936. These young people probably did not speak Greek, or Latin, but rather a language far removed from the ancient civilizations. They, very likely, spoke German and I'll bet my eye teeth more than a few were card carrying members of the Nazi party.

Someone in the Nazi government, possibly Reich Minister of Public Enlightenment and Propaganda, Mr. Joseph Sounds sort of like a make of baby food, or maybe it was the big wig himself, the Nazi top dog, he who's name bares no repeating, hit upon the idea of a relay of young Aryan runners carrying a flame to connect the cradle of western civilization to Nazi bigotry, xenophobia and gratuitous violence. The relay terminated, naturally, in Berlin.

Every torch relay since that run in 1936 has been paying a largely unspoken tribute to the creativity of the undisputed most rotten, vile and evil corruption ever to influence the human mind. Now yes it true that the modern torch relay has had its moments in the sun, but frankly I think it would be the height of bravery (and decency) to see an Olympics that lacked for a torch relay. Save the oil, heat someone's home.

The other Olympic notion that I really dislike is winning. Well no, not exactly, but the ideals behind the Canadian Olympic Committee program 'Own The Podium' which aligns smartly with similar initiatives all over the globe. Sure it is something nice when say my friend wins first place in a Crit or when I climb a hill faster than the next guy. But honest to goodness does it really matter if we, Canada, (or let's face it athletes who may have been born elsewhere but are representing 19th Century notions of a state, something that a modern Canadian would usually reject) win more golds than say, the Russians? Who cares! Sure watching the world's best is rather cool, but can we not just appreciate them for their talent and leave petty nationalism at the door?

My understanding of the "Own The Podium" concept was, do what can reasonably be achieved to ensure that athletes competing under a red maple leaf would actually win, ideally sweep all three podium positions, Gold, Silver and Bronze, hence "Own The Podium". Well one cheeky American is supposed to have remarked, after winning the Gold, "You guys can own it, we'll just rent it for a while."

Part of the whole program apparently included not allowing any foreigners to train at our facilities for several months after the various tracks and rinks were built. This was probably not the most sensible move right after Emmy award winning Steven Colbert announced he and his audience the "Colbert Nation" would sponsor the US speed skating team. Canadians became variously syrup suckers and ice holes.

Now besides the fact that restricting access to our facilities is as thoroughly Un-Canadian as high pharmaceutical prices and warm winters, restricting access means that going forward we can expect the same treatment from other nations. Given the lack of facilities in Canada, two public speed skating Ovals (Calgary and Vancouver) and one private 200m paved short track in South Western Ontario, I have to ask, how do we plan not to embarrass ourselves in future games since clearly we as a nation have decided that medal winning (and medal counts) matter? Maybe we should just pack it in after Vancouver and ask the Americans to compete for us because if there is one thing I have learned from my years of cycle commuting, Canadians do not appreciate athletics over convenience. We would rather shave ten seconds off our drive to work then put up with a bike lane. We would rather have a 1% sales tax cut then truly world class training facilities. Probably most damning of all, we would rather be obese and give money to the Saudi royal family, who pass it on to those who try to kill us then use our own muscle power to get to work every day.