On Visions of Home

Yes I haven't written a thing in almost a year. Too bad! Hey you try holding down a full time job, renovating the house (money pit!) and being the father (thank god for mothers! truly the toughest job in the world.) to three children the oldest two just hit 18 whole entire months of age. (The baby, Chloe... oh yeah, my wife was pregnant, somehow we found time around Christmas last year and now there's a third.)

Anyway enough personal stuff. I wanted to talk today about something that started in August of 2011.

On August 5, 2011 an American  Atlas V with a Russian designed RD-180 main engine and five strap on SRBs (Solid Rocket Boosters) thundered aloft from Cape Canaveral. The Atlas carried a Centaur second stage up for 4 minutes 26 seconds (266 seconds). The Centaur ignited and burned for about 6 minutes putting a a satellite into a parking orbit. About 30 minutes later the Centaur was re-ignited for a second 9 minute burn. The satellite was now effectively in solar orbit with a aphelion out past the orbit of Mars and a Perihelion inside Earth's orbit.

More than two years later, on October 9, 2013, having achieved aphelion the satellite coasted back towards Earth and using Earth's gravity as a sling-shot the spacecraft shot past our fair planet on a new trajectory towards Jupiter, the spacecraft, Juno, is expected to perform her Jupiter orbit insertion on July 5, 2016 at 0230 UTC, or late in the evening of July 4 for those of us in the Americas. But just before departing Earth forevermore, NASA engineers trained one of Juno's Camera's on her point of origin.

October 9 was a while ago, it was a Wednesday, but if you can remember what you were doing, prepare to feel small. These images were taken as Juno approached the Earth.

On Renovations

Yes I haven't written anything in ages. I have several excuses.

One, twins. Anyone out there who is a parent, take the total effort you put into child rearing and multiply by... probably three, one baby is awake, the other is asleep. Or even worse, both want something and are screaming about it, at the same time. (And we're lucky, the boys are actually pretty good, and usually its easy to tell what they are fussing about.)

Two, the move. With twins in the picture we had to move, we needed a much larger home. Our plan was always to move, after the second child was born, we thought there would be a couple years between the children, not a couple minutes.

Three, the renovations. It turns out, to get a large enough home that we will be able to live in for, hopefully the next thirty years, and get it near Dawn's family (Mississauga, suburban Toronto - which is considerably more bicycle friendly than Toronto by the way, and although has comparable population density to Toronto is not nearly as pleasant to walk in -lack of street life-, which is a shame) we had to buy a fixer-upper.

So far our contractor has gutted and pretty much rebuilt (just needs to hang a mirror) our main bath. Some friends and I installed hardwood flooring in the living room/dining room, office (third bedroom), upstairs hall. We had a carpeting company install broadloom in the rec room, the stairs and the bedrooms. The contractor ripped up both the ceramic tile and the linoleum under the ceramic in the kitchen then he put in beautiful new 12x24" porcelain. My HVAC guy installed a gas line to the backyard (barbecue) and a gas line to the kitchen (new range). I replaced the very dated hotwater tank with a tankless system (a rental, which is the norm, at least in the Greater Toronto Area). All new appliances, so far the washer and dryer are connected in the basement, as is the upright freezer in the basement. The other appliances are in boxes waiting for the kitchen reno to be completed. Oh yes some friends and I gutted the basement, found a lot of alarming things in the walls, and then I had basement sprayfoamed. I painted the concrete floor of the basement. (I still need -well this goes to the contractor- to put up 1/2" drywall, as code requires a 15 minute fire barrier between sprayfoam and the house.) I had the old fuse box replaced with a modern 100 amp electrical panel, finding an electrician willing to do residential work was really hard. A friend helped me to run a bunch of new circuits, actually just this evening (Saturday night) I cut about 20 more holes in the basement ceiling joists for the new circuit that will provide power to the fridge (as a fridge should always have it's own dedicated 15amp.)

Now the house originally had a disgusting electric range. (The house had been a rental property, according to my new neighbour for at least the last 16 years.) As I mentioned, we are installing a gas range. Now my HVAC guy has already run the gas to the kitchen but I still need power for a gas range. Remember, yes a gas range gets it's heat by burning natural gas, but it still needs to run the clock, the oven light, the fan (convection oven) and most critically, the igniters. So if you are redoing a kitchen and want gas, which is way better than electric and I would argue, if properly vented, much safer (you know when gas is hot, electric coils can be hot for a long time and still appear stone cold.) Anyway if you want gas, or if you want the option to use gas later, you need not just the proper gas line, but also a 15amp receptacle. Well I did a search all over the Internet and everywhere I looked people said they ran a new circuit when they upgraded from electric to gas. Not necessary, a friend in Milton told he he got something at Home Cheapo, he also suggested both Blows and Blona (for those of you who haven't suffered enough in the home improvement stores, Home Cheapo = Home Depot, Blows = Lowes, Blona = Rona) should have this dandy adapter/step down transformer.

Well I will not go into a rant about the complete and utter imbecile I dealt with first at Blows, who first tried to sell me a 240 volt, 40amp receptacle. When I finally persuaded the Blows imbecile that what he was showing me was pretty close to the exact opposite of what I wanted and when he understood what I was after he said he'd never heard of what I was asking for. So I drove to my buddy's place, in Milton, looked at his shiny almost brand new, inspire green with envy, Wolf range (it's really sexy) and saw the adapter. Next I went to Home Cheapo in Milton, described what I was looking for to the guy there and he pulled something off the shelf.

If you are moving from electric to gas, this is $30. Sadly the battery for my SLR died before I could take more pictures, but it's on the Home Cheapo website. Factor in the cost of one 15amp breaker, 30' or 40' of 14,2 electrical cable, a box, a receptacle, unless your time is literally worth nothing to you (considering by my math the parts I just listed should end up costing about $30 as well), this is more cost effective than installing a new circuit. And if you are like most people and don't know how to install a new circuit, this is probably one tenth or so the cost to bring in an electrician (and if your basement is finished and you need to fix the drywall after the electrician does his thing...) Oh and best of all, when you go to sell your home and the idiot buyer says "I don't like gas, it's dangerous, even though its totally not any more dangerous than electricity", or "I'm stupid I don't like gas", or "I want to spend more on electricity heating my food than it would cost to run on gas", or "I like putting a bigger burden on the grid at peak time, i.e. dinner time, thus probably causing more damage to the planet". Then just close off the gas supply, unplug this adapter and tell your home buyer to get themselves a shiny new electric range and plug it in.

On Les Mouvement souverainiste du Québec

Yes I know, I have not written a thing since September. Couple reasons, one we moved (moving is a big pain for anyone who has managed to escape that - if you have please call and explain how!) Two the house we moved to is a massive fixer-upper. If having infant twin children didn't keep us busy enough, fixing this house has done a splendid job!

Needless to say, I haven't been for a bike ride in ages.

But I do have something to report on that's driving me crazy. Earlier today I noticed an advert for Quebec Tourism here in the Toronto area. So I have a public announcement to make to all Quebecois. You vote a Federalist party into office in Quebec city, be it the Liberals or someone else, and I'll consider spending my tourist dollars in Quebec. Keep ole M. Marois in office and lets just say as a Canadian I consider it a slap in the face, and asking me to visit and spend money in your province, is pouring salt on it.

Guys, think about it, this talk of seperating from Canada is, besides really tiring, rather insulting. What you don't like our country? (Actually I suspect there are litterally billions of people in less developed nations who would find that sort of talk down right crazy.) Anyway you don't like this country we've built? Then work with us to change it, it's a free country you know, but to say, oh Canada, it's so bad we want out... well that's really mean and I'm offended.

On Car Problems

I just sent the following to Audi Canada, if anyone has suggestions of where I might get a rapid response I would welcome it:

To whom it may concern,

In early June of this year my wife gave birth to identical twin boys. Dues to the physical size of modern CSA approved car seats our previous car, a VW Jetta was too small for the two car seats so in late June I purchased (financed) a Certified Pre-owned Audi Q7 (VIN: WA1Cxxxxxxxxxxxx).

By in large I am satisfied with my purchase, it is one of the few vehicles large enough not only for my wife and I, our two children, their car seats and a stroller but it even has room for a few groceries after all of the above. However, the truck does have one very serious deficiency, specifically, the automatic door locking after 60 seconds of inactivity, I call this a defect because this “feature” could have killed my children on the afternoon of Friday September 21.

On that Friday afternoon, my wife had loaded the car seats and babies, into the car and realized she dropped her car keys on the ground. She shut the car door, and walked over to the keys, only then realizing she had in fact dropped her house keys (the garage door key fob looks like an Audi car key and was on her house keys), the car keys were in the car. By the time she returned to the car, the doors were locked, with, as I already noted, the car keys inside the vehicle.

Ultimately, and luckily for my wife, as I was at work at the other end of town, a tow trucker driver was near-by, he spent about twenty minutes trying to jimmy the door lock, as both my sons and my wife became more hysterical, finally, he smashed the passenger side front window.

Frankly I don’t care about the damage to my vehicle, it’s a machine, it can be repaired or replaced, my children are, my children, there is no point of comparison. When I found out what happened naturally I got to my wife as quickly as possible, luckily the boys are fine and the car is at a shop getting new windows and repairs to the door.

As one might expect I contacted my dealer (Crosby in Kitchener ON) they told me they had never heard of this happening before, which is very strange as the tow truck driver told my wife he sees this all the time. The service department at Crosby told me there is no way to disable the auto locking feature on Audi’s, this is apparently an anti theft measure, as there are a limited number of frequencies for key fobs the concern is two similar key fobs in the same car park could result in one car being left unlocked.

As a computer network engineer by training and network security professional by trade I appreciate the need for strong security; however, I find this situation totally unacceptable. In less than three months of owning the Q7 a reasonable set of circumstances conspired to leave my infant sons locked in the vehicle until someone smashed a window, scattering glass all over my children.

I believe that if I pursued this matter in the civil courts I could ultimately, after some great cost, find financial restitution; however, as an engineer I do not see any sort of civil action as an effective resolution of the fundamental problem, namely the car locks itself with the keys inside.

As an engineer I would therefore request the following changes be made to the existing auto lock feature, or if it cannot be made with a firmware update then future models have the following changes:

1. If the car is unlocked with a key inserted in the door, the car stays unlocked until locked from a fob or by the key being reinserted. (It would be an easy habit to get into, not to use the fob to unlock the door, up until the mid 1990s that is how all cars worked.)

2. Give owners the ability, either through a dealer provided configuration change, or a owner performed change, to alter the auto lock timer, in short allow me to decide if I want more than one minute to get in the car after I press the button on the fob.

3. Use CHAP (Challenge Handshake Authentication Protocol) with the key fob serial, VIN and a date/time stamp to properly certify that the key fob is truly the fob intended to open the car door. (This is a somewhat technical solution but I was able to design, in my mind, a very secure authentication exchange between a key fob with a very limited processor/battery and the car that would be virtually undefeatable yet ensure total uniqueness of the key fob without switching radio frequencies or otherwise stretching the limits of existing technology.)

As I noted, I don’t want to treat this as some cause for a civil case, frankly I think Audi’s are generally pretty well made machines, and civil cases are for people not interested in actually solving problems. My wife and I both enjoy the Q7 and are, or were until Friday, considering replacing our CPO model with a brand new Q7. I would be more than happy to speak in greater depth to my three recommendations. I look forward to your prompt response.

Michael Cole
B. Math (Waterloo, Co-op, Hons. Computer Science Major)
M. Eng. (Ryerson, Computer Engineering, Computer Networks)

On Internal Combustion and Other Things

I've been thinking a lot lately about the BCC, I've no idea why, well I've gone for my first few serious (i.e. 100km+ bike rides) since the boys were born. Anyway I was talking to Dawn about the BCC, she only rode with them once but was not impressed. One guy hit on her, another, upon learning that there was to be no networking opportunities with Dawn couldn't be bothered to talk with her, I didn't learn any of this until just a few weeks ago. I find it ironic, though, the guy that hit on Dawn, well Dawn thought he was ugly. Anyway Dawn was already living with me when this happened and now she's my wife and mother of my children.

If I can just address the guy who was hitting on Dawn. Really, hitting on another guy's girlfriend is a really classy act E.M. (I'll put his initials), but hey you've never been particularly pleasant to me which pretty much explains why I detest you. The hitting on the woman I would propose to less than two months later, that was just... well frankly completely unsurprising. That seemed like the sort of thing you would do.

I guess it's a shame though, there are some great guys in that club, Thi Ng, Ian Willcox, but truth is I'm okay with riding alone, riding is already a pretty solitary activity to begin with and with infant sons I find it impossible to hit the road on any sort of schedule. (I feel guilty seeing Dawn scrambling about organizing bottles and changing diapers so I generally help out until at least one of the boys has settled.)

At least I've been able to pack in a few rides lately, as I documented earlier, slowly I'm rebuilding my base. It's remarkable how much things have fallen apart for me (from a physical abilities perspective) since the birth of the two little ones. Though of all the reasons to loose a base, well frankly twins really are a blessing, they don't have colic (knock wood or something!) they are both gaining both height and weight with a remarkable speed. They are the cutest little things... big things, and yes they've turned my life inside out and upside down and I wouldn't trade it for anything!

I remember in 2010, I was riding all the time, I'd have to look at my calendar but I suspect in August and September I was averaging about 500~1000km/week. Now I'm not doing that in a month, but I'm not lonely and the T.V. is principally a source for background noise. (Though I still try to watch the Daily Show, when John Stewart covered the RNC I couldn't stop laughing... though perhaps I should be crying?)

Anyway I was reading some of my anti-SUV posts, I feel rather ashamed of my truck, but then I remember the grief I had trying to make something more modest work. The fact is, if you've got a family with twins you're going to need a really big machine, either a mini-van or an SUV and I just cannot bring myself to buy a mini-van.

Ironic really, I remember when my brother and I were young we didn't have car seats, back seats only had two point restraint, lap belts, and there were no airbags. Now by law children under a certain size or age must sit in booster seats or full on car seats and there are regulations for car seats that make the damn things so big you need a huge vehicle if you have multiple children. Maybe that's why SUVs became so popular?

That wouldn't explain the vegan I know who bought himself a Tiguan, he's got no children. But here's a random thought on veganism, suppose Dawn or I, or both of us were vegans (praise be Bovine god of steaks were not!), but anyway suppose there was a vegan in the family would the boys be allowed to have breast milk? What about women who are unable to produce breast milk, say for medical reasons? Would they be allowed to give their children formula which is basically vitamin and mineral fortified cows milk? What if their children had say, an iron deficiency, sure they can give their kids spinach but lets face it, you need to boost your iron levels have a steak! (Well liver actually is the most concentrated iron delivery food, but it tastes so bad and steak is only marginally lower down the iron content table, go indulge, have a double porterhouse at Harbour 60, its a medical necessity!)

I've thought about the vegan a few times, you see when he rationalized his purchase of the Tiguan he used something to the effect of "that 2L Turbo engine is very efficient". No it's not, I had one, well back then it was a 1.8L Turbo in my Audi A4 years ago. Anyway I guess VW bored out the cylinders a little, but the point is, that thing was a gas guzzler for a small sedan it had appalling fuel economy. (A full seven seater Toyota RAV-4 had better fuel numbers than the five seater A4.) But I just want to point out how a remark like "2L Turbo is very efficient" reflects a lack of understanding of basic auto engine design in particular the fundamentals of what a Turbocharger is and does. Okay, I know someone's bound to ask, so here's a link to turbo's or if you know me, just ask and I can give a more non-technical explanation as to why the remark "a 2L Turbo is very efficient" is such an idiotic thing to say.

And to think I'm contemplating trading up my 2009 Q7 for a brand new supercharged 2013 Q7, (I'm fed up with being cut off in the city), I know going from a 3.6L naturally aspirated to a 3.0L Super is going to be ugly at the pumps but I can live with that, the thing that's eating me right now is how unresponsive the truck gets when I mash my foot into the firewall. Yes, I've thought about all the torque in diesel, but I'm being cut off at speed, not from stop lights. Still I wonder what ole' Carroll Shelby "there's no replacement for displacement" would say about our modern super and turbo charged engines.

I should've been a mechanical engineer sure I don't really approve of internal combustion engines (for environmental reasons) but the physics of them sure are interesting. (Yes I know it's all 19'th century technology, but hey, there were improvements made, back in the 20's, the 1920s!) Anyway can't I be interested in painfully obsolete technology?

On American Political Humor

This is something that got emailed to me, it's brilliant!

On Being Out of Shape

Dawn has four brothers, two are older, two are younger. All but the very youngest are married with children (or a child in the case of the second youngest). Anyway Dawn's second youngest brother calls up about a week ago and asks if we could look after his daughter for Friday night and Saturday morning. Apparently before I got into Dawn's life she enjoyed the roll of being the family baby sitter, though I have to wonder how twins have changed that job title.

Now Dawn's brother lives in Shelburne which is about an hour's driving distance outside of the city and as it would turn out Dawn was able to enlist the assistance of her mother, so that it was three on three (it's not like we are going to hire a sitter to look after the boys while we run off to Shelburne to look after one girl!) Anyway I hit on the idea of biking from our short term rental, (oh did I mention we moved to a rental while we sell our smallish home and once sold look for a largish home - twins for you!) to the house in Shelburne.

Here is the route I took,

Apt_2_Brad_and_ElaineShare your bike routes @ Bikely.com

Because Dawn's mother, my mother-in-law, would be able to look after the baby we were more or less not required, still it might be nice to get out of the city for the day. So Dawn asked if I wanted to go Friday or Saturday. As I was able to get off work Friday it came down to a simple decision for me, ride away from the city during the morning rush hour, or on Saturday when the yahoo's would be out. I thought Friday made more sense.

It was probably a foolish move, it turns out there's an awful lot of cars on country roads on a Friday, one road in particular, Charleston Side Road, near Erin was horribly busy, and every time a 54 foot tractor trailer drove past, and more than one drove by, I really thought, I ought to up my life insurance. Anyway I think I've got a better route for next time, and here it is:

Apt_2_Brad_and_ElaineShare your bike routes @ Bikely.com

Sadly on this ride I realised how much things have fallen apart for me since the boys were born. (I guess I expected it, but still, expectation versus actual discovery of fact, it was upsetting). The ride was 137km, which is a nice distance for me, nothing really far, heck last summer I rode up to Lake Simcoe by myself a bunch of times and that was 180km, I even did a Forks of the Credit ride alone and that was just over 200km. Well this time I started a lot closer to the Forks and got there with 95km on me and I was tired, the knees hurt, the legs hurt, my rear end hurt. I stopped for a fluids break and resumed about 20 or 30 minutes later, hurting. It was a shame really, quiet country roads, lovely rollers, farm land, nice weather and I hurt too much to notice pretty much anything at all.

I'm not going to give the statistics, they are too upsetting, instead I'm going to go back to clean my sweet ride and hope that I can mount the saddle again soon, I've got to get back into shape.

On The Boys and Car Problems

So since my last post both boys have gone into a little growth spurt. These things happen, but its not fun. I don't recall my own growth spurts, from my early teens, being a big deal - I'd go to summer camp and when I came home Adam (my brother) or my parents my comment on how I looked taller, and of course clothing was smaller, but I didn't feel anything. I ate like a pig, but I've always eaten like a pig.

Anyway for Josh and Zach a growth spurt means that they eat more, normally Zach eats about 50~80mL every three hours and Josh has about 80~120mL about as often, but during a growth spurt the two trouble makers just don't stop. And then they are cranky, they cry and scream, Dawn says that the growing is painful, well yes formula is expensive and I stockpiled diapers before they were born and now they are outgrowing the diapers faster than the boys go through the stockpile - does anyone need a box of 160 Pampers swaddles size 1? (I'll sell an unopened box for $26 - what I paid for it.) But when Dawn says growing is painful apparently she means the boys are in some pain, well yes when they scream it's a pain in the ears. I've been changing diapers when they get started and holy smokes I can feel the screaming, it vibrates my entire body!

In other news, the car. Right my 3000kg piece of hypocrisy. Well I should stop on the self flagellation, it was a very necessary evil. (If Dawn and I had bought the thing before we knew about the car seats, or the twins, then it would be different, but really is the thing that bad, given that we do need such a large vehicle?) Anyway as I noted in my previous post I bought a used Audi Q7 from a dealer, a 'Certified Pre-Owned', it was financed too, it's not as if I have that kind of money just lying around. Anyway at purchase it had just less than 50,000km on it and was a 2009 model year, bought (well leased) in mid December 2008. I've got to wonder about that, hardly three months after Lehman went bankrupt someone wanders into an Audi dealership and says, 'I want the biggest truck you guys sell!, but since the world's about to roll into a depression the likes we haven't seen since '29 I'll just get the 3.6L VR-6 not the 4.2L V-8.'

Okay so I've got this new used truck and as part of the pre-owned certification it gets new tires, new brake pads and rotors, heck the dealer even put new calipers on them brakes. Its got a new rear-bumper, previous owner did a number on that and a bunch of other new things, like an iPod cable. But one thing that's not new, the engine oil. I've owned the thing for just shy of a month, maybe driven it 1000km and I drive out to a friend who's a big auto enthusiast. Well he checks out the engine bay, which I had hardly ever glanced at, he pulls out the dipstick and sure enough the oil is black, like 5000~10,000 kms, not 1000kms of driving.

Anyway since the truck has a nice high ground clearance I figure I'll do the oil change myself, it's not like I'm not familiar with the theory of doing a lube job, I've just never felt comfortable going under a low slung car. Anyway I get some car ramps and an oil drain pan from the local Canadian Tire, the oil, filter and pan plug from my local dealer - not the same idiots I bought the car from. Get out my socket set and set to work.

First as I noted in my last post I have a 3.6L VR-6, what that means is the engine block is smaller than a typical V-6, this VR-6 engine was originally designed for the Passat which has a smaller engine bay. Anyway given that the other engine available in the 2009 Q7 was a 4.2L V-8 you might expect that Audi would move things around to make engine maintenance a little easier... Ha!

So I get under the car and have to remove about a ten bolts in the skid plate, turns out there were supposed to be 14 bolts but I am guessing someone at some maintenance interval at the dealership that sold me the truck (they did all the maintenance for the previous owner, they told me) got lazy, then I go hunting. Finding the drain plug for the oil pan was not too hard, it was on the side near the bottom of the pan. Question, why not put it on the bottom of the pan? Besides being easier to get at the oil would go directly down, no matter how much oil had already drained. When the plug is on the side at first the oil lands a good half meter from the plug but as the oil drains it falls closer and closer to the plug, thus unless you remain under the car and watch things you end up with oil on the ground. Oh and the drain plug, its right up near the axle. I had to buy a 19mm wrench because my socket was too big to fit in the narrow space and none of my wrench sets go past about 15mm.

Anyway I get the oil drained and look for the filter, now there must be some law that German cars no longer use traditional filters in the disposable metal housing. Instead the filter is just some paper and a rubber seal. The filter housing is built into the car, you remove the housing, remove the filter, replace the filter, reinstall the housing. Except, removing the housing requires a 36mm socket, which as one might imagine, I don't have. My socket set goes up to 24mm. I also bought a 1 inch socket for my cassette lock ring tool. So I walk to Canadian Tire and look for a 36mm socket, no such luck. I put in a new drain plug, pour in fresh oil (hey better than nothing.) And drive to an auto parts store, I buy a 36mm and a 32mm (just in case) socket. I have yet to do the filter and when I do, I guess I better replace the oil, again! Oh but that filter, it's hidden away behind some cable, why on earth couldn't it be in easy reach it's not as if oil and filter changes are about the most common auto maintenance besides filling the gas tank and tires.

Anyway although I've only driven about 10km with the fresh oil, and a stale filter, I have to say, the truck is a lot more energetic when I hit the gas. Maybe it's in my head, but it feels like I just packed another ten or twenty percent more power. Really if the dealer had any brains, especially since I scheduled the test drive about four hours before I got there, they'd have scrambled to do the oil change in that four hour interval. Heck without a hydraulic lift I was able to do everything from removing the skid plate, including walk to Canadian Tire to buy a 19mm wrench right to curse at the frigging oil filter housing and replace the skid plate in about two hours. I'd like to think the guys at the Audi dealership can do an oil change a little faster than that!

Arrrgh, what am I going to do when it's time to do a coolant flush? One things for sure, I am not taking a car to dealer for routine maintenance, ever.

On Updates

So Dawn and I do the nights in shifts, I take the first shift, from around 10 or 11pm until around 2 or 3 am, at that point. I crash and burn out on the bed and Dawn takes over looking after the little ones. Its exhausting in a way I`ve never been before. And when they start up, their lungs sure work plenty good.

Dawn and I gave the cats up for adoption, we had no choice, Zach was having breathing problems and with the upcoming move... well we have to move the house is too small. Two boys and since I work from home so often now, we need a four bedroom, or I suppose a 3+1, but a guest bedroom might be nice. The car was too small as well, long story there but I am now a hypocrite (at least I don`t actually drive that much, and when I do, the thing is chalk full of stuff, strollers, car seats, people). But lets be honest I said (or implied anyway) that nobody ever should buy an SUV, and in my defence I did try to find a four door hatchback, a station wagon, except as it turns out there almost none in North America, nowadays people buy SUVs, groan. (The few large enough station wagons I did find that weren't total rust buckets were still smaller then what we bought.) Anyway I`m going to make a big exemption in my nobody should buy an SUV, parents of two or more children are summarily allowed large vehicles. Although minivans do make more sense, if you can tolerate the assult on your vanity. (One really cool feature that no minivan or station wagon can do, we can use the trunk as a change table/chair for sitting whilst feeding - yes we've had to do that, twice in under a month. Toronto's "expressways" do a double duty for parking lots, and when the boys need to feed, or get a change, we hardly have time to find a properly legal parking spot, let alone a McDonalds or some other establishment with clean washrooms and change tables.)

Does this justify my driving an SUV? Probably not, but at least I won't make any wild claim about fuel efficiency. It's a 2009 Audi Q7, with a naturally aspirated 3.6L VR-6 (VR is a V engine with the angle between the pistons reduced from the usual 90 to 75 degrees down to about 15 to 10 degrees... Frankly it's silly, the engine bay could easily handle a proper V6, the other engine in that model year was a regular V8, 4.2L. I think VW/Audi couldn't be bothered to design a new block so they took an off the shelf block that they also use in the Golf or something.) Anyway it's not at all efficient with the gasoline (well I don't think VW knows how to make a fuel efficient engine, the 4.2L V8 is also used on the "sporty" S4, it has something like 320bhp -considering the size of the block that's pretty feeble- yet can hardly crank out 500km on a 100L tank of highway driving), oh and since it's German the owners manual says I can use 87 octane gasoline, but they strongly encourage 91 octane or above only. About two weeks after I got the thing I did some number crunching, in the old four door diesel Jetta I paid about $0.05/km for fuel, in this monster I pay $0.18/km. Thank goodness I don't need to drive 40km one way to work each day any longer, I take a train, it's great, 11 minutes from the station (that is a 7 minute walk from my front door) to the station by work. The only driving I do anymore is take the boys out to see family or friends and buy groceries... sometimes I walk to the supermarket, so the fuel use isn't actually all that bad.

I guess it's better if I can go from driving lots in a smaller car, to not driving much but when I do, using a huge thing. Oh and before anyone asks, yes I tried using a mid-sized SUV, my mother-in-law let us use her Mazda CX-7, room for the boys, stroller and wife, but no groceries at all. In fact one Audi dealer tried to get us into a Q5, and once we put the stroller in I was pleased, until the dealer reminded me we needed to get groceries too. Eating really throws a wrench into some plans.

Other than that, I've been living at home almost to the point of being stuck here, I knew this would happen, I just cannot wait until the boys can last a little longer without adult intervention, but I guess that's next year. I've done a total of 3 short rides since they were born.

Oh and there are more pictures, one of Dawn's cousin's is a professional photographer, she'd never done twins before so she was very pleased with our situation and did these shots for free.

On Zachary Alexander and Joshua Dyson

Yes I have not published anything lately, I have an excuse, one word really, five letters, starts with T, ready? TWINS. So here are the pictures.









The pictures above were taken the day Josh and Zach were born.








These pictures were taken one day after birth.







These pictures were taken two to five days after the boys were born.

At birth, Josh weighed 2350g and Zach was 1940g. Although Zach was breach, because Josh (who was vertex) came out first at 0150 on Thursday June 7 Zach was able to slide right out, feet first at 0157, as a result these boys were among the 15% of twins to be delivered vaginally. Due to Zach's small size he was put in the NICU for the first day, then transferred to the Level 2 Nursery for the following four days. Josh who went straight to the Mother and Baby unit with his parents was discharged on Sunday June 10 and the three of us then spent the next two days in the hospital waiting for Zachy to be discharged, yesterday Tuesday June 12. Both boys have undergone hearing and vision tests and so far appear quite normal expect perhaps for their slight size, which is also normal given that they are twins.

On a related note, their gestation was 36 weeks six days, the birth was induced and mommy's water had to be broken at the hospital (which given the kind of volumes involved, daddy was very happy he did not have to clean up!) Oh and I should also note, for singletons, gestation is normally 40 weeks, but for each additional child subtract 4 weeks, so twins are normally 36 weeks and triplets are 32 weeks. In short, besides many a sleepless night, trying to coax little Zachy or Joshy to settle down and let mommy and daddy get some rest, everything is fine, if suddenly a lot busier than just a few days ago!

On The Scam Explained

So regular reads, are probably pretty disappointed with my lack of regular posting! But anyway I was sifting through my old hotmail account, that I tied to the Paypal account that I invoiced Clifton Gemini or whatever the hell that idiot's name was. Anyway the scam is so obvious now, I feel kind of silly even posting, I mean a casual glance will reveal exactly what this POS (and that's not a Point Of Sales system) was up to.

For anyone who needs to get caught up, see the following posts:

• March 26
• March 27
• March 28

Its good to read back from you.I received your paypal details and i am just about to remit the payment to your account when i had this little problem with the pick up agent.He said he would not be coming for the pick up unless i pay the pick up agent commission fee with registration fee,just for him to be able to schedule the pick up time.The problem am having with the agent now is that hes only ready to accept his payment through western union money transfer and i am unable to get that done from my end as i am very busy with my daughter passing through a surgery in hospital ....Sir/Ma,i have to ask you to help me with the pick up fees....I would include the pick up fee of (US$1000) with the payment of yours that am making through paypal...After you have been notified about the payment,i would need you to assist me to send the charges of pick up agent

(US$1000)through western union money transfer.

Please do get back to me just to let me know that you understand all this so that i can move on with the payment now.

Thanks

Now I want to point out here, he's in the military yet does not clue in that many of the NATO bases I mentioned do not exist, nor could have existed. He's desperate to buy a bicycle, remember, I was selling a S-Works Specialized Roubaix (which is just a fancy road bike, nothing more), yet his daughter is in surgery!

Okay, I'm not a father, yet, but its at the point now where every time Dawn goes to the hospital for her ultrasound I don't even bother with work. Heck on Friday when she went I was on call and still told off the Incident Management Office because my unborn sons are infinitely more important to me than almost anything else, save and except Dawn, yeah Dawn would be the only thing more important to me than my boys. Now this guy is trying to get me to wire him $1000 so that he buy a bicycle, dude... your daughter!!!

Anyway here's my response, not that it matters:

Wow you sure are a dumb fuck... about as dumb I guess as anyone you've sucessfully conned!

On Fail! (Canada Customs style)

Sometimes I buy bicycle accessories from the UK, for example, finding tubular road tyres (or tires) can be difficult, especially since I like Vittoria, and it seems most of the shops in Toronto, if they even have tubular tyres, they sell Conti's only. Anyway this is a letter I sent Canada Customs recently, I'm not including the customs declaration or invoice here, suffice it to say what my letter said is true, just take my word for it. :)

April 12, 2012


Dear Sirs,


As the attached invoice and customs declaration show, on, or around, March 29, 2012 I was shipped two Road Tubular Tyres (these are bicycle tires – they measure 23mm in width and fit a 700mm (or 28 inch) wheel, hence the 28”x23c on the product description.


Bizarrely you have classified this as “Clothing, female, cotton”. Although I suppose it is possible to remove the inner tube and punch holes in it, it would take an exceedingly slender woman to fit inside the tire, furthermore, they are made of vulcanized rubber, not cotton.


To my understanding there is no duty on bicycle accessories from the EU and I assure you my intention is to use these two tires on my bicycle, not dress any unfortunate soul in them! Therefore please refund the $23.81 you charged me for this error and guys, please read the description a little more carefully, I admit the English can spell things funny sometimes, tyre instead of tire, but if the manufacture is Vittoria, it is red/black and it’s made of vulcanized rubber it’s probably not an article of clothing!


Thank you


Michael Cole

Anyway the $23 isn't the main thing, the main thing is, how on earth do you go from "Tyres - Road Tubular" on the Customs Declaration provided by the vendor to "Clothing, female, cotton" on the CBSA Postal Import Form?

On Creative Writing

As I have noted earlier I am working on a novel. I haven't had much time for it lately, threw out a pile of work and restarted from Chapter 2. But just out of curiosity, supposing I put chapter 1 online and readers who liked it might donate say, ten cents ($0.10) per chapter or some other marginal amount, I'm hoping that with enough financial and moral incentive (have to finish a book if I've got a paying audience!) I might just focus myself a little better.

Any thoughts?

On Humor, the scam goes on

Clifton, aka Clarence aka a bunch of other names I cannot be bothered to report (see the related blog posts, here and here) hasn't written me in over 24 hours. I'd like to hope nobody shutdown his gmail account, anyway I tried to provoke him today, here's what I wrote.

Hi Clarence,


I haven't heard from you, I miss you baby. My readers are missing you too, please write back soon. Your scams help boost my blog's hit counter.


Looking forward to your attempts to sucker me again, but lets not wait... October 2010 to March 2012... lets call it 16 months.


With affection,


The guy you tried to sucker and failed at.


P.S. How did you figure out I was on to you? The fact that you remembered my email address this time? The use of Eastern European countires that haven't existed in over ten... fifteen! years? My uncle was the Prime Minsiter of England or that my home address is the residence of the Prime Minister of Canada?

On More Scams, the scam goes on.

I ended my post yesterday with the following to ole' Clarance, I mean Clifton..., oh who cares!

(As before, my writing is in blue ink, Clifton is in red ink and for those of you who have something for sale on Craigslist and got an email from cliftongemni(at)gmail.com, he's some sort of scammer, I am going to try to figure out what his game is.)

Where are you located? Are you sure you don't want to see this thing first? Wouldn't it make more sense to inspect the bike before you buy it?

Well I heard back from my little Nigerian friend:

Hello



Thanks for your prompt response.am okay with it and i want to buying it right away at the rate of (US$3500.00).I am satisfied with the description of it in which it would be convenient for me to pay through PayPal.I am not available to check it up before purchasing but i have checked the necessary details of the advert...If you are not familiar with PayPal,i would suggest you visit www.paypal.com and make a registration with them and contact me with your PayPal email address after completing the registration.I am presently making proper arrangement with my picker in order for him to schedule how to come for the pick up of the item after payment is made.Please get back to me with your PayPal email address so that i can proceed with the payment.

Now for regular readers much of this lanaugage will look famalier, in particular, if we review my post of October 7, 2010 we get the following from one Clarence Rose:
 
I so much appreciate your response to my earlier mail. I wish to let you know that I'm satisfied with the condition. Like I said there's no doubt I'm gonna purchase it. Therefore I want you to consider it sold by withdrawing the advert from craigslist. Note that you will not be responsible for shipping and handling. My shipping company will come to your location for pick up. Kindly provide me your name and full address, so i can forward it to the shipping company to calculate the cost of pick up for me. Please get back to me as soon as possible.


May your troubles be less, your blessings more.
and nothing but happiness comes through your door.

Okay, not verbatim the same, but very similar. In particular, the business about being satisfied with the condition, now he's satisfied with the description. Anyway I think he just wants to rip people off, lets give him some BS to feed on, first create an email address, or use a hotmail account that is the great depot for all things Spamish. Next create a Paypal account, here's the confirmation email:

Finally, lets send ole' Clifon an invoice (boy Paypal sure does make this easy, too bad I apparently live in the residence of the Prime Minister of Canada!):

Finally we write this piece of work scammer a little note,

Hi Clifon,


So where in Europe are you stationed? East Germany? Yugoslavia? Czechoslovakia? Anyway I sent an invoice to you from XXX@hotmail.com. As soon as I recieve payment you can pick up your bike.


Say I have an uncle stationed in the Nato base in Darfur Albania, have you ever been there? Perhaps you met him, his name is David Cameron.


Michael

If I thought Clifton had any brains at all I wouldn't list countires that don't exist any longer, East Germany... Yugoslavia, Czechoslovakia, besides these are all East Bloc nations, members of the Warsaw Pact, although I suspose there may be NATO bases in the Czech republic, there is certainly a few bases in Germany. What was Yugoslavia, hasn't been in the news lately, thank goodness. But really, Darfur Albania... of course none of my uncles are the Prime Minister of England!

I'm sure there's more good stuff coming my way soon!

On More Scams... from the same damned person!

So the story goes that a guy loves to lure in those Nigerian scammers, remember them? The ones who would tell you they were the wife, cousin, uncle, whatever of some fantisctially rich person and they needed you to help them get their money out of Nigeria, Europe, The Moon, whatever. Anyway this guy, the Ebola Monkey Man, clearly deserves a medal!, but, well I wish he was posting bicycles on Craigslist.

Back in October 2010 I tried to sell a frame I've got that's just collecting dust, you can read about my attempts here, read the reader comments as well, I'm not the only would be victim.

Well my guy is back at it. I am trying to sell a Roubaix, full build that's been sitting in the shop since June of 2010. I know someone who said they were going to buy it, but they never did.

Anyway here is the latest... (Note: Clifton, AKA Clarance, AKA Jokam is in red ink, I am in blue ink.)

On Sun, 25 Mar 2012, sarah wrote:
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams


Good Morning,


Happy weekend to you...I am interested in your advert on craiglist and
would like you to contact me back on my email cliftongemni@gmail.com with
you as i am keen in buying it.


Thanks


SGT Clifton Gemni
U.S. Army

Does anyone actually talk like that? Anyway that message reminded me of ole' Clarance Rose,

On 3/25/12, Michael Cole wrote:
Well the bike is still avaialble but I am in Toronto Canada, that might be
a bit of a drive for you.


That said if you'd like to see it, drop me a note and I'll see what I can
arrange.


Michael

Well surely if you are about to blow $3500 (the list price I posted) for this thing you would want to inspect it at least once?

Hello
Thanks for your prompt response.am okay with it and i want to buying it right away at the rate of (US$3500.00).I am satisfied with the description of it in which it would be convenient for me to pay through PayPal.I am not available to check it up before purchasing but i have checked the necessary details of the advert...If you are not familiar with PayPal,i would suggest you visit www.paypal.com and make a registration with them and contact me with your PayPal email address after completing the registration.I am presently making proper arrangement with my picker in order for him to schedule how to come for the pick up of the item after payment is made.Please get back to me with your PayPal email address so that i can proceed with the payment

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, we call them 'couriers' "pickers" are what gross people do with their noses... or is he talking about day labourers on fruit farms, sadly I think in the United States they are usually called illegal aliens. Also, I'm in Toronto, in Ontario, which is, last I checked, in Canada, which means I used Canadian, not US money. I would like to think that a seargent in the US Army would know that in other countries people don't use US funds.

Anyway I replied, I think I'd like to lead this guy on for a while, in the spirt of the Ebola Monkey Man!

Where are you located? Are you sure you don't want to see this thing first? Wouldn't it make more sense to inspect the bike before you buy it?


I'm open to suggestions. Does anyone have a fake Paypal account they can 'loan' me? (Yes I've already reported this piece of work to the RCMP and to Paypal, I don't think either of them will do anything though, apparently they are flooded with reports like mine.)
 
Craigslist users beware!

On A Recent Ride

I really want to get back to my novel, but I figured I should post my latest route, its loaded with hills. Only too many damn cars, although one of my co-workers who lives near some of the roads I took noticed there was an unusual number of cars out. So I think I'd like to try this route again and see if some of those pesky cars go away.

Kettleby-Aurorahttp://www.blogger.com/

What else is there to report? Well Dawn keeps getting bigger, her pregnancy is pretty obvious now. Her doctor said that she should go on short term disability on account of the twins (the shared placenta thing puts the pregnancy in the complicated category). I have to admit I'm really looking forward to teaching the boys how to ride a bicycle, and play with toy trains, and lego, and blocks. We've been going on a huge space theme lately, getting all kinds of books on rockets and space travel, hey if my boys grew up to be anyone of the rocket science type engineers, materials, structural, mechanical, computer, chemical, aerospace engineering, maybe they could land me a seat in the VIP viewing gallery at The Cape down in Florida. In the meantime, does Estes still make model rockets, and where can we launch them?

So much stuff to play with in such a short childhood!

On Recent Events

I know, I haven't written much lately, in my defence there isn't much new stuff to write about. The boys are clearly getting bigger and bigger, apparently they are now about the size of an ear of corn - bizzarely baby sizes are always compared with fruits or vegitables, a few months ago they were the size of a peach, then a grapefuit, at one point it was a radish I think. I wonder why they are never the size of a baseball? I guess most people wouldn't be able to relate to a 53 chain ring.

Of course for Dawn things are exceedingly difficult with two boys in the oven. The simple act of rolling over in bed has become complicated for her. On the radio today they were talking about how public transit riders often don't notice when a pregnant woman gets on and needs a seat. Of course for the morning trip into work I drive Dawn, not that getting a seat is difficult at 5am, but I still don't like the idea of Dawn riding the streetcar at that hour. Mind you in the afternoon, Dawn is usually home long before me, so I cannot do anything for her. Maybe I can finish my novel and make enough in royalties that she can become a stay at home mother?

In other news the weather has started to improve, I've been going for a few little bike rides, the Toronto drivers are incomptent (but I know that from driving, I don't need to be on a saddle to see how plain bad they are - and it's the really bad drivers who are the most aggressive.)

Oh and I was recently cleaning out some old emails and found of bunch of messages from 2002~2004. Many were from Lesley, once upon a time she loved me, but then those notes stopped, I guess the love ran out. Pretty upsetting stuff, but then I can think of my wonderful, lovable wife with her boys in the oven, I deleted the emails.

Back to the subject of riding, I guess I won't be getting much in for the next couple years, which would be a shame, but then I imagine children will keep me plenty busy for a few years anyway.

Its a... They are boys!

Pictures to follow, but the 3D ultrasound is conclusive, they (twins remember?) are boys, Joshua Dyson and Zachary Alexander.

And in other news Iran is threatening to close the Strait of Hormuz, if they did that 20% of the World's oil would not make it to market, mostly in East Asia. Military expectations are that if Iran were to close the Strait it would take the American's something between a few days and a month to reopen it. Economic expectations are that if the Strait were closed the price of oil would spike from about $100/barrel to about $150/barrel.

On personal updates and other things.

In reviewing my previous post, I noted the Saudis have declared that in order to maintain a desired level of social services they feel that the desired price of oil ought to be about $100 (US) a barrel I went on to note that their previous target price was $75. One thing I neglected to mention, the Kind of Saudi Arabia is not exactly known for it's first rate social services.

In other more personal news, regular reads may not know that Lesley left me. Actually that woman left me some time ago, since then I met someone else and got married. Now Mrs. Cole and I, well really Mrs. Cole, I just help out here and there, are expecting little ones, not a little one, but twins! I think I've got a picture around here...

Of course when I found out twins were in the picture I remarked that we'd need a bigger house. The ultrasound technician said that's what every father who finds out he's about to have twins says, a new house and a new car. Anyway last night I watched a rerun of Top Gear where James May is reviewing some Land Rover and at first I thought it looked kind of cool and has a modest four banger diesel. Then I realised, that Range Rover's got less internal volume than my Jetta, probably gets way worse milage, and honestly, I'm never going to drive across Death Valley, at least off road across Death Valley, so what's the good of such a silly machine? I will get a bigger car, I think a diesel A3, it's a hatch back pretty good on the comforts and great on the milage. Of course most importantly, as a soon to be father, it's got a great saftey rating. (For reference, here is the NHTSA web site.)

Actually the NHTSA never rated the A3, but the similar A4 got five stars. By contrast my Jetta got four or five stars depending on where the crash happened. The only Land Rover rating I can find is for a '96 Range Rover, the NHTSA only tested front impact on drive and passenger and it only got three out of five stars. (Side impact was unrated, but I will bet it wouldn't do well.)

But back to the wedding, I won't bother with the wedding photos, but I will throw in a link to some pictures we took from Florida just before the wedding.

One day in Florida it was very cold, about seven degrees Celsius, my future mother-in-law thought it would be funny to go for a walk on the beach in winter attire. She had left Toronto just a few days earlier in the middle of a snow storm. I took some pictures with the zoom lens from her apartment (she's a snow bird).

The apartment is about 2km south of the Kennedy Space Center, the tour guide, (of course I took a tour!) was saying that KSC is America's space port, I never thought of that previously, space port, sounds like something out of Star Trek, but it's actually true, KSC is a space port. Weird to even think that, anyway here are the pictures.